Not So Simple Gifts.

I have been beyond blessed with a loving and supportive family that always took my disability in stride and made every effort imaginable to be sure that I was included in everything that my siblings or cousins were involved in with accommodations as needed.  I come from an incredibly generous family and we were among the fortunate to have had all that we needed in our lives. I write this blog today in appreciation for my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends that we consider our family. Thank you for your love and affections and for always helping me rise to greater heights than I ever could have imagined – I love you all.

However.

As we enter the holiday season of gift giving, that landmine of selecting the perfect gift, I am confident that at some point – whether they would admit it or not – my loving parents, adoring grandparents and well meaning relatives stood in the middle of a Toys-R-Us in the late 1970s and thought, “What do we get the Deaf kid?” 

Look. You all tried your damndest to get it right – and most of the time you did – but there were some serious stumbles along the way and I was just too damn polite to point it out to you at the time. We’re now in the midst of a stay at home order and I’ve got things to say – I can’t see any of you in person anyway so really what are you going to do to me? (insert evil laughter) 

In the spirit of ridiculousness, love and laughter I have assembled the top five “Greatest Hits” list for all of you to enjoy.

1. Walkie Talkies

Look, I get the intention…with all of the cousins running around together like a small gang you probably thought it was a great idea to have a few sets of these so we could “communicate” while playing hide-and-seek or something while scattered through a two story house. I was great at giving commands through them – not so hot at responding to whatever was said back on the other end. My cousin trying to tell me to “Come up the stairs” sounded to me like “Cmptstrs”.  

2. Headphones

Oh…and not just any kind of headphones…in the long years before Air Pods, the latest innovation were these small black spongy circles with a metal headband that inevitably cut into your scalp. This magical creation replaced the large, clunky headsets of yore – this modern invention streamlined the musical listening experience with these steel wool inspired speakers that fit directly over the openings of your ears. Apparently the memo was missed about how my hearing aids filled up literally every available ear space.

3. CHIPS Patrol Helmet with Attached Microphone

Once again, someone thought it would be awesome for the cousins to have a sophisticated communication system seeing that we were separated by a flight of stairs in a two story house.  The joy that accompanied this plastic, tight fitting helmet crushing down over my already unruly hair and subsequently plastering my hearing aids to the sides of my head was short lived.

4. “Read My Lips” Board Game

No one would play with me. I won every time. Come on, people – think this one through – I had a board game that literally no one would even consider approaching if I was involved. I read lips to survive. 

And….drumroll, please….The Ultimate Toy Fail…

5. Speak and Spell 

For the uninitiated, this thing was the height of sophisticated learning technology back in the early 1980s. It was large, orange, had many buttons to press and it even came with a carrying handle! For me, this machine was the work of the devil. The premise was that this programmed voice would speak to you and you would then type in the word that you were being asked to spell.  This…early technology…garbled…flat tone…mechanical voice.  Let me put it to you this way – it is amazing that I can spell. 

And there you have it – they tried…oh did they try. 

Love to you all as we enter this Holiday season – wishing you love, peace, and continued health. Thank you again for reading!