Am I Making You Uncomfortable?

There are a great many of you trotting around expounding the following catchy slogans: “Teach Tolerance”…”Celebrate Differences”…”Acceptance, Not Awareness”…and “Be Kind”.  Some of you are humbly bragging about your superior worldliness on enamel pins snazzily tucked on your “old but new again” denim jackets. Some of you are covering the bumper stickers of your environmentally friendly cars with such colorful slogans. Some of you are attending rallies and marches and protests promoting inclusivity.

However…

Most of you still do not know how to react when someone with a disability is standing right in front of you as evidenced by your blatant discomfort. Your insistence for kindness, acceptance, celebration and tolerance fails you when you’re in a real situation where all of your good works should be put into practice.

It happened (again) with a group of people that did not know me (again) but one would assume that because they are in a “helping profession” that they would know better, but ‘twas not the case (again).  I recently worked on a committee with people that I had not previously met and disclosed that I had a hearing loss – and was met with 14 sets of eyes staring at me through Zoom and complete silence. The silence was deafening.  (Even I could have heard a pin drop). I stared back…and waited…but what I really wanted to say was, “Am I making you uncomfortable?” 

I have been on the receiving end of comments such as,  “Ugh! This is so frustrating that you can’t hear me when your back is turned!” oft spoken with a bit of an irritated tone. I remember pausing for a moment and staying silent…but what I really wanted to say was, “Am I a nuisance to you?”

I have had to ask people to repeat and rephrase something that they were trying to tell me after repeated repetitions. It is easier for me to understand something a second time if you rephrase it and use different words because it is likely that the phonetic speech patterns may be easier for me to distinguish when compared to your first utterances. I am met with a frequently employed expression by the hearing to the non-hearing, “It’s nothing, forget it.”  Once again, I felt anger rising inside because to me it IS something – and I get to choose if it is “Nothing” or not….but what I really wanted to say was, “Am I an inconvenience?” 

And – my personal favorite – when I have asked for an accommodation and have been told by a typical hearing person, “Oh – you’re just playing the Deaf card again”. That is incredibly rude, ignorant and dismissive…but what I really wanted to say was, “Are you shaming me for having a disability that is not conveniently in line with your current narrative?” 

I now leave you to let you return to your yard signs, shiny pins, colored flyers, organic teas and hemp footwear. You can rest and retreat feeling that you are the most tolerant, open and free loving person on the planet. I will let you have that peace – for now – but I challenge you to check yourself the next time you meet and interact with someone with a disability – whether they are familiar to you or not. 

And remember this – your actions speak louder than your words – I may not hear everything, but I am always listening.